How to Respond to, “I’m Pregnant and I Don’t Know What to Do.”
When someone confides in you that they are in an unplanned pregnancy and don’t know what they’re going to do, it’s tempting to jump into action-mode and try to quickly convince them to make a certain choice. However, in order to have loving and life-affirming impact, we need to slow down, meet her where she’s at, and then walk alongside her with love and support. The best way to care for the baby is to genuinely care for the mother.
This will most likely be a very confusing and stressful time for her, and she needs people in her corner that see her and have compassion on her situation. She needs to know there is someone beside her who does not condemn her for her past mistakes, but extends grace and is an encouragement toward making a decision from a place of clarity and confidence.
The tongue has the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21a). So how can we respond well, sharing the truth while loving her well?
HOW TO RESPOND:
Thank her:
First just thank her for sharing with you. It takes so much bravery to share her situation, especially if she’s considering abortion. She is being incredibly vulnerable and trusting, so thanking her starts the conversation with compassion and respect.Listen:
It is so important to listen. Let her explain and express exactly how she is feeling about everything. Pay attention, have compassion, and don't jump into problem-solving mode. We believe that no one should go through an unplanned pregnancy alone, and we as the body of Christ are called to carry each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2). Thrive Medical Clinic is here for anyone facing an unplanned pregnancy, but she also needs a safe friend to confide in, someone in her life who will truly listen to all her desires, worries, or concerns and will walk alongside her as a friend!Help her slow down:
People in unplanned pregnancies often feel extremely rushed to make a decision; they may be anxious to get this “figured out” or “taken care of.” The hustle and bustle of daily life could cause her to make a hasty decision. Providing a safe place where she can take her time to just think out loud is so valuable. A place where she can sit quietly may be the welcome change-of-pace she needs. We want every woman to feel confident about their choice and have the opportunity to spend time processing all of the options.Understand her needs:
Instead of trying to fix the problem, ask good questions, so you can better understand why she is considering abortion. Ask questions like “How can I be there for you?” or “What can I do to help you right now?” She has real and weighty concerns that are influencing her decision! This is not an easy choice, and we need to truly understand her needs and how to meet them. Our abortion-vulnerable friends need tangible support in order to feel like they can choose life, but the only way to help her overcome the burdens causing her to consider abortion is to first understand those barriers.Affirm her as a mother:
When talking to someone in an unplanned pregnancy or someone considering an abortion, it's important to affirm that she is already a mother to the child growing inside her. No matter her decision - parenting, adoption or abortion - she is already a mother. Hearing, “If you do decide to parent, you will do an amazing job raising your child” when she expects to hear disapproval can have a profound impact. If she is considering making an adoption plan, affirm that she is a brave and loving mom to put her child's needs first, expressing true sacrificial love.Communicate your support:
Clearly communicate that you will be there for her no matter what. After listening intently to the barriers that are causing her to consider abortion, offer specific support to meet those tangible needs, as much as you’re able to. In order to empower her to feel like she can choose life, she needs to know what kind of support she will receive.Help her schedule an ultrasound:
She has a lot she’s trying to figure out right now, and may not know what to do next. You don't need to have all the answers, but it’s important to share why it’s so essential to get a pregnancy-confirmation ultrasound before making a decision. Help her schedule a free ultrasound at Thrive Medical Clinic. As an extra measure of support, offer to come with her to her appointment or watch her kids while she is at the ultrasound appointment.Share the truth:
Empower her to make an informed decision from a place of courage and confidence, instead of desperation or fear. She deserves to understand all her options, and she deserves to know exactly what is going on inside her body. After you have listened, understood her needs, affirmed her as a mother and offered your support, share the truth in love. Share that you love both her and the child growing inside her. You can explain that her child - like her - is made in the image of God with a purpose. Affirm that the road ahead may not be easy, but that she won’t be alone. Express that God sees her and her baby, and that they both have immense value in the eyes of the lord.Pray and trust the Lord:
Remember that your role in her pregnancy journey is to love her well, share the truth in love, and offer your tangible support. It’s not our place to pressure, coerce or control the outcome. Continue to be there for her, and pray for her and her child. Then trust the Holy Spirit to soften hearts.
It is our heart that each person considering abortion would hear the truth in love. Our heart is that you would feel equipped by these practical steps to know how to support any loved-one in your church, family or community, empowering them to feel like they can choose life. In order to share the truth effectively, we must first love.
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:1
If this raises questions for you, please reach out to us at connect@thrivemedicalclinic.org, and also read our ‘beliefs’ summary. We’d love to talk with you!